actually, I'm a sock model
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
