called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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