i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
