I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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