I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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