K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
