dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
