I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
