I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
