I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
