I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
