Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
