One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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