i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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