There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So squirting runs in the family.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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