NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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