hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
