I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
