Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
