I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I cannot find my penis.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
