Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
