So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
