you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
