and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
this hospital has no fireball
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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