the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
