are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
