they need to just BURY HIM!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
