are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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