I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
