She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
