College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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