i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
