you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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