return my video game
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Randomize
