wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
