shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
