So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So. Much. Porn.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
