Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
