Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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