fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
