She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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