think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
