So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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