Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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