I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
