JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
