Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
