By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
