I smell stomach acid.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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