The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
