She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
